Today is Friday the 13th. 9 months ago was a different Friday the 13th, which will always stand out in my memory as the day everything went to hell with Covid-19. That was a scary time, and I can’t say that much has changed since then. We unknowingly had a little respite over the summer, but now we’re back in a situation that is actually worse than Friday, March 13th 2020.
Through all of this, time has been in short supply – in general I feel like days have flown by, spread thin between normal work, the work of coordinating an ongoing covid response for our small business, pretending to be a kindergarten and preschool teacher 3 days a week*, and constantly making and revising all types of plans – large and small. I’ve stopped making plans. When I have to, I make them in pencil, pressed ever-so-lightly. It’s been taxing, and I’m tired of covid life, but it’s the reality we have to live with. When you’re swimming across an ocean, or a lake, or even a deep pool, you can’t just stop and pretend you’re not surrounded by water – you have to keep going. We can’t pretend our way out of this situation either.
And yet, even with the scarcity of time and the new stresses 2020 has brought, I feel a pull to a creative pursuit, even if it’s just a word dump on here every once in awhile. There’s certain parts of you that you have to keep alive no matter what, and I’m working on getting that creative spark back. Because, surprisingly, creativity is really important. We think of it mostly as a necessity of artists, but if I’ve learned anything in the last 9 months, it’s that creativity is needed to be successful in everything. It’s the only way to solve a problem – especially the problems we’ve had in 2020, for which there has been no roadmap or pre-existing policies. We’re all just winging it. There was no pandemic preparedness course in college, and if there was, honestly it would probably be useless. This needs to be lived, experienced, and learned from – by everyone, at all levels.
I remember grocery shopping sometime around Friday 3/13/20 and thinking to myself, as I wandered the empty aisles in a zombie-like trance, “I have no idea how to shop for a pandemic.” I mindlessly threw some non-perishables into my cart, imagining my family eating black beans and fruit cocktail for the next several months. That day, my biggest worry was if we’d have enough food to feed our kids – thankfully that has not been the case, but 9 months ago, as the world started to slide off the rails, it seemed like a real possibility. Once I knew that my family’s most basic needs would remain met (and then some), I could turn my attention to the actual challenges. Challenges that have taken a great deal of creativity, and empathy, to navigate. It’s not over yet, and that’s why I’m realizing I need to replenish my creative well, and also make sure I am pausing to take time for myself too. As they say, you need to put your oxygen mask on first before you can help others.
I had hoped to write regularly throughout this, so I would have something to look back on when Ali and Jurgs ask questions about this time years from now. I haven’t done that. But I’m going to try again, if for no other reason than to nurture my creativity that is needed now, more than ever. Thinking about it, every part of me is needed now, more than ever. Maybe that’s the silver lining of a pandemic – you get to show your true self, full-on.
*Only 3 days a week because the boys are in school 2-3 days each week. Our town’s public schools are in a hybrid model: in person 2-3 days a week and home the remaining days. Jurgs’ preschool schedule is synced up with Ali’s kindergarten. Both boys were home full time from mid-March through the end of August. Sending them to school was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made, and something I hope to write about eventually.
